#When asked what do you want the number one answer was how to
Several people asked me to collect my notes on how to ask and share them publicly. In addition, I’ve helped clients understand persuasion tactics and develop scripts to ask for what they want, including the delicate art of deciding to do it anyways and asking for forgiveness rather than permission. In the past decade, some of the things I’ve asked for and negotiated for include: asking for multiple raises and getting them consistently, negotiating salary bumps of 20% or more (with credit to Ramit Sethi’s persuasion tactics), winning over $50,000 in scholarships (competitions and essays were involved), and recently raising $33,000 for charity: water by promising to swim naked from Alcatraz to San Francisco if we raised enough money. When you ask well, you can get what you want more quickly-saving you time and energy.
Instead of specifying what we want, we hem and haw about ideas, often walking away from great conversations without clearly articulating our message, what we hope to achieve, and how the other person can directly help us.Ĭreating a great ask (and learning the ability to say no) are two skills that successful people learn how to do really well. Why is this? What are they doing that no one else seems to be doing? How do they ask for what they want and seem to get it every time?Ĭulturally, it’s not always the norm to ask directly for what you want-or we do a terrible job of it (and women face significantly more challenges in both cultural norms and consequences for making direct asks see HBR and NYT for more). Magicians who bend and will the world to their ways. What does it take to ask for what you want-and then get it? There seems to be a magical art behind creating a great ask, and we all know stories of people who seem to get exactly what they want whenever they ask.
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